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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24740917">Just to Love Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hivecaptor/pseuds/hivecaptor'>hivecaptor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Welcome to Night Vale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Carlos is a mess, Cecil is a Good Husband, Comforting, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Inferiority Complex, M/M, Mental Illness, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, carlos has an inferiority complex, cecil is a mess, discussions of the future, have fun guys, neither of them have the emotional stability today, oh and anxiety, they're both a mess honestly, they're married</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:00:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24740917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hivecaptor/pseuds/hivecaptor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you too," he said, choking on the truth of it.</p><p>"Hey, shh. I know."</p><p>Carlos would know him in dark, in death. He would recognize Cecil at the ending of the earth, would love him through all things great and terrible. Had they been made of flame, they would burn a week longer than the whole world.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlos/Cecil Palmer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just to Love Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Comfort reminds us of how it should feel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It wistfully chains us to fictive ideals and spurs us to keep all our love in a jar. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Say I'm just keeping you from harm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm just trying to keep you from harm. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"You don't want me. Not really," Carlos said. Regret filled him as soon as the words left his mouth.</p><p>But Cecil couldn't love him, right? No when he himself was so strange and so beautiful and so otherworldly. He was a Saturday at 4am, dark and lovely, and Carlos didn’t deserve a minute with him. </p><p>Every day in Night Vale had been a dream. It was like the fairy tales that his grandmother used to read to him when he couldn't sleep, but instead of knights in shining armor coming to rescue the princess from a terrible monster, it was just the monsters. Night Vale was all monsters, and even though he had Cecil, it seemed that everything wanted to take him away. He wanted to wake up.</p><p>As soon as he saw the way Cecil's eyebrows scrunched over those watery, pale eyes, he felt horrible.</p><p>"Carlos." It was only his name, but it felt like a stake through the heart. His eyes dropped to where his hands were folded on his lap. Cecil's voice held a slight quaver to it and it was the worst thing that Carlos had ever heard. "Carlos, I love you. You know that." His voice cracked. "I need you to tell me you know that."</p><p>It was late and their bedroom was getting dark, lit only by moonlight filtering through the gauzy curtains that Cecil had bought the week before. Carlos's eyesight was bad enough as it was, but there was little enough light that he could hardly see his nails when he looked down to pick at them. When he finally fixed his eyes on Cecil's face again, he could just barely make out the planes of his face. There was no mistaking the sharpness of his draw, the aristocratic tilt to his nose. </p><p>"I'm sorry, Cecil," he said, voice small.</p><p>"Shh, don't be sorry." Cecil wrapped his arms around Carlos's waist and pulled him down so that his head was resting on his knee. A few locks of hair stuck to his damp cheek, but Cecil just brushed them aside, tucking them behind his ear. "We're going to be okay, alright? We're going to have a life and we're going to have a house and kids, if you want them, I promise. I love you so, <em> so </em> much."</p><p>Carlos began to cry in earnest then, great heaving sobs that soaked into the billowy yellow linen of his husband's pajama pants. He had waited so long to hear those words and believe them that it was like a wave crashing on the shore when he did.</p><p>Cecil loved him, really loved him.</p><p>It was hard to believe that his perfect, wonderful husband would settle for all that he was, even though they were <em> married </em> for god's sake. But Cecil said he did and one thing he never did was lie.</p><p>"I love you too," he said, choking on the truth of it.</p><p>"Hey, shh. I know."</p><p>Carlos would know him in dark, in death. He would recognize Cecil at the ending of the earth, would love him through all things great and terrible. Had they been made of flame, they would burn a week longer than the whole world.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> We are frivolous with our hearts, watch them bend 'til they break then we pick up the parts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We give, we take, we save and condemn, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And we live just to love again. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title and quotes from 'The Loneliness Waltz' by the Ballroom Thieves.</p><p>Carlos having an inferiority complex? It's more likely than you think.</p><p>I'm sorry for not posting for a while! I've been in an acting intensive for two weeks now and scheduling's been insane. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! I have a longer fic planned soon, so keep an eye out for that.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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